In the Future, Tense

October 12, 2009

We Have Officially Hit Bottom

Filed under: Uncategorized — carolynanderson09 @ 8:44 pm

The following is a Rant about the Self-Help industry.  If you are not in the mood for A Rant, please disregard this post.

I’ll wait.

Okay.  If you’re still reading this, You Have Been Warned.

Man, I thought The Rules was bad.

In case you don’t remember, The Rules was a book that explained how through diligent lying, play-acting and generalized chicanery a woman could trap a man into marriage

Men, in the world of The Rules, are not people.  They are not someone you are friends with, that you respect and maybe even, GASP! love, someone you might want to work together with to build a life.  A man is a penis and a wallet, and for some reason you as a woman need both enough that you must lie to get them.

Yes, folks, here’s the truth according to the world of Self-Help:  Men are not people.  Men are incapable of being your friend, your true lover, your helpmeet.  They are in fact so stupid and inept that a woman needs to spend her life lying to them, manipulating them and cleaning up after them.  Why?  Because you HAVE to have a man, don’t you?  Just like you HAVE to be living THE VERY BEST LIFE YOU CAN EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY DAY.

Well, now we have a new book that tells you what to do with your penis-wallet if they start to flag a little once you’ve got them:

Have a New Husband by Friday! How to Change His, Attitude, Behavior & Communication

Yes!  Finally!  A really EFFICIENT way to reliably manipulate your chosen penis-wallet!

From the blurb:

“Have a new husband by Friday?  Is that even possible?  … You can change your husband’s attitude, behavior and communication, in JUST 5 DAYS!

Oh.  For.  Heaven’s.  Sake.  THIS is what we need; a new book on how to control the adult human being we are supposed to love.  Brilliant.

Here’s an idea.  Don’t marry someone you don’t LIKE.  Don’t marry someone just to be married, or have kids, or have sex.  Take your time, get a life you enjoy and then if someone comes along who enjoys that life with you, hang out for awhile.  TALK to them.  Find out what you like, what you have in common, whether they clean up after dinner and how they act when you’re sick.  DON’T trap yourself into this self-helpless notion that the other gender is this other species you need a professional to help you understand. They’re friggin’ human beings and we all want the same things; a decent life, friendship, love and some help keeping life on an even keel.

Talk to your partner.  Talk to your husband or your wife.  Talk to them about the big things and the little things, talk to them about today and tomorrow and yesterday.  Don’t buy books that tell you you have to scheme and manipulate because the most important thing in a relationship is being able to force the other person to do what you want.

Please.

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